The Accident.

Dedication: This work is lovingly dedicated to my Late Grandmother Mrs. Mary C Raphael.  The legacy that she has left back in my life through her compassionate and gentle yet firm personality will continue to inspire me in my life. 

 A female voice over the radio was chattering constantly about how responsible citizens can bring down the accident rates in the country.The voice informed that honest citizens must be responsible enough to inform police about dangerous driving and accidents noticed. Bored of the monologue Ajay switched to the disk player. An AR Rahman track flowed through the fresh smelling interiors of his newly bought sedan. .Owning a car of his own has been his dream for a long time now. His job as a business analysts at a leading software firm paved a smooth way for this dream of his. He was visiting his parents in the next town to show his latest achievement. "Damn these toll plazas", Ajay cursed as he noticed a toll plaza ahead. He turned down the volume of his Bose speakers. The music swerved into a low hum.On a happy day like this he didn't want to pull off a tuff with the highway police for 'blaring music'. As he crossed the plaza he turned up the volume, lit a cigarette and eased back in the driver seat, his foot pressing down the accelerator pedals steadfastedly.

In a moments' time, he was comfortably in the fast lane pacing forward at 80kmph. As his attention juggled between the busy road and the climbing speedometer his eyes warned him of a black SUV that he was fast approaching due to meager relative velocities between them. Just as he closed in on the SUV, he honked continuously to alert the driver about his speedy approach. The SUV seemed not to care a bit. It continued to tread at an irritatingly slow speed. " Doesn't this idiot know the use of a fast lane?",Ajay babbled to himself. After draining his patience on the horns, he decided to do the unwilling. In a swift motion, he cut lanes and attempted to overtake the SUV from the leftside.While he was overtaking, he glanced at the windshield to catch a glimpse of the driver. To his annoyance he noticed a bearded man in glowing white shirt busy chit-chatting over the phone. His irritation at the careless attitude of the driver reflected as an arrogant push at the accelerator pedal.

Couple of minutes later he could hear the continuous blaring of a distinct horn, fast approaching him. The back view and side view mirror confirmed a diverging field of cars which were trying to give way to some speeding vehicle in hurry. He expected the vehicle to pass through his right on the fast lanes but quite to his amusement the vehicle was randomly cutting lanes and hence scattering car's all around. Within moments, the loud horn defeaned his ear drums as the same black SUV he had overtaken fired past him through his leftside.Before his mind could scrutinize further, he witnessed the SUV bump out a maruthi from the central lane.The sudden impact disoriented the maruthi altogether. It shot forward momentarily due to the sudden momentum change, and almost instantaneously began submitting itself to the drivers' frenzied braking.  Straining notes of the screeches originated from the point of distress of tires and road. Asif displeased with the sudden action of the driver, the car skided away towards the divider bunk. The impact was so drastic that the drivers door came off flying while the car inverted itself over to the other side of the busy highway.

Ajay jammed the brakes in a completely involuntary action, his sedan reacting by skiding couple of yards and halting with smoking tires barely a yard away from the inverted car. A state of shock and numbness engulfed him for a few seconds before he heard loud shouts and unrecognizable bellows of locals who were gathering around the scene. He noticed the locals pulling out blood stained unconscious victims. On partially overcoming his sedated feeling,he collected himself and stepped out of the car. Though his head was beaming a bit, he realized that the accident has not claimed anything from him.While his eyes wandered around the situation he noticed the familiar black SUV, its brake lights gleaming red,idling a few yards head of the scene. Before Ajay could focus on the identity of the driver the SUV roared and fled.

In a flash of a moment Ajay deduced the reasoning behind the drivers' actions and the gravity of the situation.  He knew he had to act fast lest the miscreant escape. He hurried back into his car and charged back onto the highway. As he drifted speedily past a sea of vehicles he could recognize the fleeting SUV far ahead of him.

His hopes of quickly catching up with the SUV quivered when he noticed an incoming signaled junction. Asif premeditated, the signal let a bunch of cars including the SUV pass through and with no mercy turn to stop right ahead of him. Sparing no time to think, Ajay thrust his accelerator fiercely shooting his sedan right into the junction island. The unexpected action sent waves of chaos that immobilized vehicles crossing over. He barely missed a heavy duty truck as he sped onto a new piece of the highway. He knew very well that alerting the SUV driver about the chase would spoil his motives. He has read in some book that 'surprise' was the most effective strategy in a war. With the given pace of events, he'd close in on the SUV pretty quickly. Then comes the most difficult part- of getting the SUV to finally stop so that he can catch the miscreant red handed. As he racked his brain cells for an effective plan, he suddenly noticed his company's employee identity card lying on his dashboard. In a flash of a moment, Ajay knew what he had to do.

He quickly invaded through the right of SUV asif to overtake it. Once parallel to the driver he lowered his windows and flashing his identity card, shouted "police! police!. Stop your car immediately". The SUV driver shocked on the sudden ambush by a 'cop', tried to flee by accelerating further. Ajay reacted by pulling right ahead of the SUV and blocking it in an attempt to slow it down. Within seconds the SUV accepted defeat and came to a sudden halt. As a precautionary action, Ajay positioned his car across the SUV.

His rage and adrenaline carried him out of his car faster than Ajay could imagine. He banged on the shining bonnet of the SUV calling names and demanding the driver to come out. Slowly, with absorbing dramatics, the bearded man in a white khadi shirt and mundu* climbed out. He adjusted his mundu, glanced at the phone in his hand and calmly walked towards Ajay. "What's the matter officer?", questioned the man in an authoritative tone. " I witnessed what your did with your reckless driving to the maruthi car. The moment you noticed the causalities, you tried to flee. Did you think that you could easily evade this responsibility? I am going to inform local police right away." replied Ajay smearing some courage in his tone."Wait a minute. So you are not a....what is your name and rank officer"? the man retorted with a sarcastic emphasis on 'officer'. Ajay felt a pang of terror run down his spine. The domination that he enjoys in the current situation is pivoted around the pretension that he is a cop. The moment this act fails, he'd have to shelve his idea of bringing this man to the book. " That's none of your business Mr.", fenced Ajay. In an attempt to dodge further queries Ajay brisked towards the front of the SUV. He located the number plate and dialed the highway police number. 

Before the call could be collected, the dial tone that flooded his left ear was deafened by the sound of an approaching siren. A white Kerala police jeep pulled up from behind the SUV and came to a quick halt. A rough looking patrol officer in his Khaki uniform stepped out and promptly strode towards him. "You are under arrest for rash driving. Hand over your car keys to the constable and get into the jeep immediately", thundered the officer dispassionately to Ajay. " But Sir...This man here..." Ajay tried to explain. " Officer! this man almost killed me with is rash driving. Then he pretends to be a police officer and abuses me for some accident on the highway that he himself committed. Arrest him immediately!" mercilessly interrupted the bearded man. The officer, hearing an unexpected vocal, quickly turned around to face its origin. On recognizing the person and probably the bureaucratic magnitude of him, in a swift movement, collected himself into a stiff salute. " Sir, I'l do the necessary immediately. Sorry to cause inconvenience Sir", officer added in a servile tone. He walked towards Ajay who, affected by the turn of events hanged a despondent look on his face.He tried his best to provide his explanations but his efforts rebounded  hard ears." Given the smartness you have exhibited, I am booking you additionally with IPC 419 for impersonation as a police officer and IPC 186 for obstructing a public servant and that too a state MLA". He then walked back to the MLA and murmured something in a low hum. Both of them smiled and shook hands and the officer walked back. As the brackets of smile of the officer withered away to reinstate a cold cruel  face, Ajay felt a quick shiver run though his body. He stood there breathing heavily, engulfed by a state of shock and dreadful anxiety about the day ahead.

Author's note: Your comments are my most valuable resource. They inspire me to keep writing. Leave some here or mail me directly at sangeethsimon2@gmail.com

Reproduction/adaptation of this article in any media without the consent of the author would invite legal complications on the account of copyright infringement act.  

In love, Now and forever

My sincere thanks to Gayathri Ananth and Arjun R.K for their efforts to help me review and edit the work. 
This work is dedicated to my Dad, Mom and my best buddy: Mithun Simon( My bro)


Present day,

" I have no other choice but to talk to her..." He reasoned. The steady  wind in his balcony caressed his face as if whispering his decision to himself before he had even made it.  He stood there, his hands in the pockets of his favorite jeans, his checked blue shirt fluttering in the air. One by one, his mind flashed all the moments they had shared. His thoughts carrying him back in time to the conversations he had had with her, their walking hand in hand in the monsoon rains, their dinners, their arguments, their compromises. Slowly the thoughts were flowing in at rate that made it difficult for him to analyse each of them but, it rendered unanimously one single  emotion; love.He felt a strange anxiety asif he was battling this emotion instead of embracing it. " Does she love me? Does she try to understand what I am going through? " he queried himself.

She increased her pace of walking. The groceries felt heavier than usual. " I have had enough. I am not taking this problem ahead anymore. I am going to let him know my decision", her hostile tone proclaimed. She knew the appalling echos of her action. Imagining them, sent a shiver down her spine. Three floors later, she found herself facing a wooden front door. As the response to the door bell she could hear the chair being dragged back in the balcony, a cough, and unlatching of the door. He stood there looking at her for a moment. His face was blank and taut. As she entered, she noticed that the living room was dimly lit, and smelled of cigarette; the ash tray confirmed her senses. " We need to talk", she heard him speak in a nonchalant tone asif each letter was heavy enough to utter with effort. She had no resistance whatsoever to this demand. She passed a wry smile as she put her bag down and occupied the sofa.

They indulged in conversation for hours, unbeaten by the tiredness of a day or of their thoughts. It was an exercise of emotional exhaustion. He spoke calmly, words like arrows smeared with his guilt. He was apologetic but not degenerative. She sat there cross handed, her eyes avoiding his, trying to focus on what he was intending to say than on his words distinctively. Time passed, unnoticed and uncared for, clock doing its duty with diligence.

Five years ago,

 John Mathew, aged 21, was an final year undergraduate student of Mechanical Engineering at a private university in Bangalore. A fatal accident left him a orphan at age 12 after which he was raised in middle class comforts by his paternal grandmother. As early as his high school days, he developed an ardent interest in physics and machines which chiseled his thoughts into opting for engineering as his undergraduate programme. His "never say die" attitude and perseverance augmented his interest and ensured that he was a meritorious student throughout. There always remained, at the corner of his heart, a void entrenched with deride toward a world that ravaged the emotional fabric of his childhood. Initially a hate, that later diffused into unconcern and then matured into a mentality of " Life is difficult and every day is a war" attitude. There grew a sense of supreme individuality, self dependance and rationalistic outlook on world, sparsely populated with regard for emotional attachments to people. He found solace only in his work. His pursuit of knowledge was more than a breadwinner to him; it was his breath and self assured purpose.

His ideas ravished into abyss when he met her. Her name is Pooja Shridharan. She was a year junior to him, pursuing her undergraduate studies in Chemical Engineering in the same college. An cultural fete brought them together as organizers. It wasn't much later before they started enjoying each others company and eventually, a relationship was an inevitable thought. Her cherubic nature, simple relaxed lifestyle, stable independent thoughts and kind nature anchored her to his soul much before he actually reasoned it. They spent weekends listening to her playing violin or discussing books or simply hanging out.  Her caring and poise attitude towards their relationship filled his void and rendered her a panacea to his emotional strains.

After graduating, his stubborn decision of pursuing his interests made him quit easily available IT jobs that tailed him as campus placements, and he instead made it to being a research assistant at a private lab at Banglore. His hard working nature and natural talent impressed his mentor and soon enough, his involvement with more demanding projects were realized. Meanwhile, she graduated and secured a job in a chemical manufacturing firm based in Pune. Initially, they accepted the need for separateness induced due to professional demands as something common and unavoidable. They made sure to be in each others life through regular calls, and emails. The pain of physical distance ensured that they came up with frequent plans to meet each other in person.

But, romantic love started withering away when life took hold...

2 years hence, the situation started showing signs of complication. The long distance and his over committed passion for work started etching a hole in the fabric of their relationship. Fights became common and his unconcern about their future added to her worries. They met only occasionally, mostly under her compulsion. The feeling of an alienation from him matured in her, unrevealed. On the contrary, he perceived her to be an understanding lady, who he judged to be fully sane with his struggles and dreams.He felt, her need for personal attention and care as obsolete.

Couple of weeks into her 24th birthday, her parents had hinted at an initiation towards searching for 'potential alliances' for her. This seemed to her as a warning bell. She knew that she had to act fast before she lost the battle. She could vividly imagine her orthodox parents' response to her intention of marrying a christian guy. As a measure of seeking support, she presented her issues to John. As always, he calmly explained to her that he needed time to relieve himself of the current research he was indulged in and promised her that on completion it had the potential to deliver him financially secure and that he'd consider approaching her parents regarding their relationship then. She retaliated blaming him for being so insular about their commitment and argued that the only rational solution to this would be to...get married and move in together. A subtle penitence of having avoided her in the pursuit of his ambitions, and her continuous remarks about the need for a marriage, made him reconsider his decisions.

In the spring of next year, after a long resolute battle against serial emotional blackmails from her parents, they tied the knot at a private function. She sought a new job at a private company and they moved in together  to a rented house.

The marriage brought in an  unspoken tranquility to their life and he seemed more assiduous to minor details of their family life. She felt elated and assured at the turn of events.

But the sooner than later, the pendulum swung back to its starting point. The progress of his work and quality of his ideas gathered his colleague's and competitor's admiration alike. His work was promoted as having national significance and country's foremost defense organisations showed ardent interest in funding him. Along with money, came constraints on time. He kept working, late into night, smashing his circadian clocks, optimizing his results day by day asif he was possessed by his work. He came home late only to find her sleeping. He left her early, with notes, stuck on the kitchen panes. Though his heart throbbed to spent time with her, he felt helpless and convinced himself that she would understand his quagmire. On the other hand, the feeling of him being so close, but still so unreachable hurt her. She tried to divert her attention to her work, keeping herself busy at office, usually coming home late, doing her chores and  finding solace and companionship in her violin.



Once home usually early, she found the stereo filling the room with his favorite piano tracks. She found him standing by the balcony sill, holding a cup of coffee and watching over the city buildings asif he owned it. He pretended not to notice her entry and went she about her chores. A little later, he initiated a conversation  " Pooja, you should understand how important this project is for my career. DRDO has started funding it and has given me a span of 3 months to submit the first set of results. I am only half way in the work and need tremendous amount of time and effort to meet the deadline. Do you think that I delibrately keep myself busy? Its true that sometimes, I am obsessed with the work and don't like my attention getting diverted. But I do have an ill feeling of not being able to hang out with you.."  " Ill feeling?...what a frank admittance John? You know something? Its been 3 months since we have had a peaceful dinner together. Its been a long time since I have heard you speak affectionately or you paid attention to what is happening in my life..We are not room mates, we are married.." She countered back." Didn't I tell you that it wasn't a great idea to get married so early? I pointed out very clearly how time consuming my work is and that if its not this, I will be shunned and I will have to do part time job to pay the rents!" he added. " Ya..go ahead..blame me for everything..that's what you always do..", she fenced.

The spark of a conversation raged into wild fire of mutual blaming. They berated each other;the intention of winning the argument stronger than the vision of striking a compromise. Caustic words, degrading comments and mindless reasoning mixed heterogeneously with Beethoven's 5th symphony in the background.

Present day..

He finished his sentence with a tone of regret. She had been listening, her eyes still fixed on a distant object. Her hands hurt, being crossed for so long. Her legs felt numb and her back ached. She picked herself up from her the couch and paced the room in silence. His stature hasn't changed in minutes after his monologue has ended. " John, this is not the first time I have heard you 'explain' things to me. But why is it that its me who always have to adjust? To be frank, you are an egotist. You care only about your life and ambitions. What about us? I am not an piece of meat. I have my private needs and desires. Much of which remains unfulfilled today. I decieded against my parents will only to be with you, because I thought I knew you and I expected that I would be respected in this relationship. But now, I stand at a thresh hold of my capabilities to take this pain anymore. Pain of being alienated. Pain of being ignored, of not being understood. I have decieded John. I am going back to my parents. We were never meant for each other. I think we overestimated what we are to each other. You should have never happened to me..". The words trailed off as her voice waned into a low sob. He had never saw her cry before, and as the first tear rolled down, it changed his world. He tried to calm her down and apologize, but in vain.


The events of the night indicated an end to their 5 years of married life. He watched her walk out of the front door with her luggage. His male ego, never let him 'beg' her to come back.


With a feeling of having been paralyzed for life, he spent days in their house usually in silence, smoking and retrospecting. His childhood isolation sprang to life and the remorse of having done wrong gave him nightmares. For the first time,he felt insecure and unwanted. He roamed around the city pointlessly, his guilt carrying him long distances on the highways of his solitude. He clogged his mind and sacrificed his ability to be rational and mindful. His work suffered.He called up office and confirmed an absence of couple of weeks.He sat by the window all day long watching a day unfold, people go about their lives, nature change her vantage points, the evening hustling, the silence of the nights. He found no support in any of them and felt asif he never belonged to this place. When he was sure of his guilt, he called her. She never answered. Even if she did, she listened half heartedly to his apologies and explanations. Soon, he stopped making the unresponsive calls. He was learning his old trade of self dependency.It cost him weeks of self assurance to let go. Soon, the Independence returned. He re-calibrated his emotions and consoled himself back to work.

John never realised that days and months passed by with no regard to his acute self absorption  in work. When her thoughts crossed her mind, he felt a certain pain; sporadic and exhaustive. He learned to accept the pain and worked even harder. The solace came in the form of results. The exhilaration gifted to him by his results made him beat the pain. It became his vicious circle of existence. A battle against his own emotions.


In one and a half years...

John Mathew's growth was exponential. He was the most celebrated scientist in his field. His work won wide acclaims and was promoted as a classified research that had capability to transform the country's defense capabilities. He was promoted to the post of Principle scientific researcher within the Ministry of Defense. His life surpassed the existential needs and became more of an offering to the scientific community. His contentment with his achievement was self evident in his nonchalant smile.

But, deep within the smile, lay a incomplete man, who could never express solidly his love for his wife, never was understood and was left alone to face the fragility of life when he needed support the most. Here was a victim of the belief that love was by definition, understanding and accepting the other. He never complained or blamed her for his state. He accepted this state with complete understanding of an optimistic outcome. A painful learning experience.

The understanding took time for Pooja. She fought with herself to forget him but couldn't. Every day, she'd wake up asif life was duller and meaningless than her previous day. She knew all along he must be suffering and felt equally guilty of having left him.Two years of separation, had brought along lot of men, who were interested in her, but she could never replace him or find in any of them, qualities she worshipped in him. " Yes, he is workaholic. His love for science is more natural to him than his love for anything else. I have to accept him that way. His hard working nature equilibrate my easy go nature and probably that's why life gave him to me. If I don't stand by him, who else will. God! what have I done to him!"

Six months into his new life, on a cold winter morning, she came back to him. First he was shocked: an emotion contradicting his otherwise calm nature. He maintained a silent observation on her for few minutes, his eyes darting hers. He pulled her in and hugged her. It was an apology, a word of love, a sense of belonging all in one human touch. Tears rolled down her cheeks as he held her. She admitted that she should have never let him alone and that she should have demanded this hug a long time ago. The warmth of love and understanding saturated the cold air around them.

They fixed breakfast together and engaged in a lengthy loving dissection of their misunderstandings...

Authors note:Reproduction/adaptation of this article in any media without the consent of the author would invite legal complications.